The first real-world “group project” I was a part of when I recognized people’s tendencies toward either optimistic deflection, toxic positivity or in the worst case both, was volunteering for a large scale event that was raising money for the American Cancer Society. So two things to keep in mind here, it was for a good cause and everyone was volunteering their time or talents. But it was uncomfortable from the first meeting I attended with chairs of all the different sub-committees, where it seemed the main focus was sharing their progress so far and plans for what their team would tackle next. It all sounds well and good, but coming from kitchen environments where call-and-response communication was necessary along with addressing issues as quickly as possible or if possible right when they came up this parade of positivity was leaving out some crucial details – the challenges each team was facing.
Now if I’m being totally honest this wasn’t the first time I had seen this dynamic in a personal or professional setting nor the last, but what I didn’t expect was to encounter this toxic positivity or optimistic deflection that seems to run rampant in many organizations. You can almost always blame it all too easily on lack of clarity, accountability or poor management…all of which are usually factors to some degree. So what’s the solution then to such a seemingly complex issue?
Before diving in any further lets take a step back and identify what each of these methods of circumventing tough conversations and decisions actually comes to. Each one of these is a method of bypassing the challenges, whether by optimistically deflecting responsibility because it’s “not my job” and hoping those responsible will miraculously follow through or by completely ignoring stagnant progress or chaotic lack thereof. Either path likely will lead to conversations thrice as uncomfortable as if the issues and challenges were identified, discussed and tackled head on when they arose. So why does the can get kicked down the road until it’s the elephant in the room? I have two theories: the first is because people don’t want to look stupid or admit mistakes even if it’s a new process or project, the second is that they don’t want to be perceived as anything other than fully supportive and optimistic. Both are rooted in fear of self and others perception.
In life as in business, the willingness to have these hard conversations early more than likely will save time and other resources as well as allow the path forward to adapt. A good foundation to build comfort in culture with addressing issues head-on in this manner is to recognize the needs of individuals and organizationally to attain a level of candid cross-functional communication (say that five times fast). Especially with new process or a project intended to scale, there are so many unknowns to learn along the way and often times in a high pressure or paced environment. Communication is key. Now I’m also not advocating for ignoring wins along the way and making great strides along milestones, quite the contrary. These milestones will in turn though become more clearly defined and bring focus when the forum to celebrate them and acknowledge the challenges faced along the way. This builds not only a healthy balance of positivity and realistic expectations, but will present opportunities for individuals to grow and take ownership.
In a world full of office mantras like “the meeting that could have been and email” or “so many days full of meetings without any action items or takeaways”, maybe it feels that way because the root issues are being bypassed until it’s a crisis situation. What if we started communicating more directly about the positives and struggles? What if emails were not huge strings of teams dancing around issues, but instead we used the meetings to have direct and open conversations about issues and the needs to adapt so they can be resolved?
Today I sat in a meeting where the last 6+ months I watched teams report their “wins” to keep up with an aggressive deadline on a huge corporate initiative, the tone completely changed when the reality of that delivery date seemed to fade in a few moments. Our team had been consistently identifying our concerns from a systems standpoint as well as seeing the rest of the business outside of IT not able to keep up with the uncertainty and new expected workload. But it took corporate leadership finally forcing the issue of transparency and not bypassing the challenges anymore to come to the reality that cross-functional workflows were in a state of chaos. This is not unique to this company, it’s leadership or an endeavor of this scale. But it can resolved by instilling change in the way issues and milestones are openly set then discussed. It can be improved by not always laying the optimism on thick hoping it’s contagious without the foundation of follow through.
The next time you find yourself in a meeting or feeling like something is overtly positive without acknowledging the realistic challenges, try putting yourself out there and offer to help collaborate on a solution. More often than not you’re not the only one thinking it, but it’s all too convenient to bypass and not rock the boat. Authentic positivity and optimism with a does of adaptable realist might change all of our lives and communication!
-Ad Astra Per Aspera-