To reach a port, we must sail – sail, not tie at anchor – sail, not drift. -Franklin D. Roosevelt
There are so many perspectives and formulas out there today about how to tell your story, “build your brand” and create something unique. Some of them are purely a marketing approach to create content and measure metrics, while others are aimed at provoking our creativity to standout and share our unique vision. I also have found that these approaches are often too narrow or rigid for me in a personal and professional context as well as others I know.
Lately as I explore and embark on a new business along with some creative projects, I started to think how my story has changed since the last leap I took. What will my messaging be and who will I aim to deliver it to? When I started putting these questions out there in my head I started to get the real answers I didn’t know I was looking for; the true shit others actually see in us when we should up authentically. Each time something was reflected back to me it was in such a matter-of-fact way that I was taken back that I hadn’t seen that reflection of myself in all the journaling I had done.
Before I dive into the reflections and how others have expressed my story back to me, I want to recognize how it also piqued my interest into which parts of my story I’ve been focused on that I didn’t see these. We all have parts of ourselves we’re not proud of and patterns that we work on breaking. They are often associated with the shadows of our stories, a fear or a self-critical hook that we just can’t kick. It occurred to me though that by hiding these away and not sharing them, we are holding onto the parts of our story that we take comfort in the pain. We can own our story and the strength we have gained without censoring or anchoring ourselves to each painful aspect.
In short, my current reflection is “what have I tied my strength and resilience to that no longer serves me?” and “can I let that go without losing what it’s taught me?”. The obvious answer to both of these questions is yes, but has presented an opportunity (challenge) to develop a new level of trust and security in myself while relinquishing the weight of the experiences that built these pieces of my current character.
So how did I get here from hearing words others have shared with me? Easy, they verbalized and continue to recognize these pieces of myself I associate so deeply with the shadows of my story and overcoming challenges as inherent parts of myself…woah! These struck a chord with me as the first was said in passing during an much needed mid-holiday season yoga class (Tom is an Ironman and endurance athlete, I knew him before that…he’s a good guy, he was then and still is!) and the other was shared by close friend reflecting something I hadn’t seen yet in myself let alone acknowledged (I would love to know what kind of soul could lead/teach you…(you’re) literally a transcended human). Both of these blew me away and humbled me in the same moment, realizing that both of these genuine compliments did indeed come from amazing friends that know some of my darkest shadows.
I’m in no way sharing these to toot my own horn or say “look how much I’ve achieved but can’t recognize in myself”, but instead challenge you to heighten your awareness to these moments when those that care about us reflect back the pieces of our story to us. They may not know the entirety of the darkness that has built this character, but many of them have. These people in our lives are the ones that see that our growth may be derived from these experiences, but now anchored to them infinitely
How can we embrace this similar perspective in telling our own story? Is it as simple as letting go and pulling up these anchors as we move forward?
Personally I find that the discomfort in this for me is also attached to the when I struggle to accept compliments, especially from those that maybe don’t know the shadows of my story or only the cliff notes. But I challenge myself and others to sit with that before we start to pull up the anchor so that we can heal and embrace these pieces of our character openly. We don’t have to validate our story as a response to compliments, we can allow ourselves to know how we built that in our life and not feel the weight holding us in place. So “anchors aweigh!” and let’s sail on with our strengths, to keep writing our stories
-Ad Astra Per Aspera-