I have been reflecting back on the last year and turn of the new year still. A review of 2019 still may be in the works, but for now it is time to keep the momentum moving forward. I will say that last year was filled with a lot of change, most of which for one reason or another I didn’t feel quite ready for yet. It’s funny though that most of that change was initiated in some may or another by me. We have that innate ability that no one else holds, to change our path at a moments notice with a new choice. 2019 was also a year of feeling connections to some amazing humans in mile life, some were brand new friends and others were well overdue reconnections. I am incredibly grateful for all of those people and hope to share some fantastic experiences together in the year to come.
Change often brings about a sense of loneliness, despite the fact it may be rooted in positive growth. But what I’ve found is if you truly pay attention and listen, you are far from alone. Those authentic humans in your life are there supporting you or even just to have a friendly conversation simply to say “shit man, I felt that too. But it’s something worth pushing through.” Change also sets us up inherently for a path lined with a natural anxiety. This can be rooted solely in the fact that we are going places, moving forward to things we’ve never known. They may not be scary or bad, just unfamiliar. These are what makes our individual journeys unique, and also in a very special way concurrent. It’s when we begin to be vulnerable with the actions we take that we start to share our stories and connect.
This new year has already been a challenge in new territory for me personally and professionally. I am considering a new professional path or at the very least a new role. Personally in contrast to last year I am single while also confident and comfortable in what I do want out of a relationship. I am more focused on my mind and body not in a context of critique or creating someone new, but instead on peeling back the layers to find the truest self. I am questioning and assessing the role of alcohol in my life, does it serve me in any way? I am focusing on the daily practice of yoga, running and things that serve my health. I am looking always back to find that why, that thing that continues to drive me. It has evolved over the years and especially in the past decade on so many levels. I am refreshed in my focus on pushing outside of my comfort zone and having grace for myself when I fall short.
The year 2020 is going to be the Year of Active Truth. I have started to write again, not just inconsistently on this blog (which hopefully will be a pattern of the past), but also in long-form to share my story of cooking, self-medicating and mental health. I lost a lot of heroes in the last decade including Anthony Bourdain, who embraced every experience and culture with an open heart and mind to better understand the human condition. My truth is that I have also shared many of his same struggles; drugs, alcohol, debauchery, depression, suicide of friends and thankfully not of my own. Sharing this story is something I initially and still struggle with wondering who will it hurt instead of who might it help.
I am honored and humbled to be joining again a community of incredible individuals and genuine humans as a part of the Wyn Republic team. Triathlon is something that has had an incredible impact on my life through health, friendship and so many other experiences of overcoming obstacles I had only set for myself. I am looking forward to the sharing in the support of everyone’s goals and looking forward to meeting more of this amazing crew! I am also diving deeper into running as a method of meditation and managing my stress. Last year I fell short of a few goals in both areas and am looking forward to shooting for the moon again! There is a threshold we all have and only through focused and impassioned effort can we raise that higher to find our own next level.
Active truth in my mind means taking the initiative from a place of raw and vulnerable authenticity. This may seem selfish to some, to devote so much time to things that are self-serving in growth. Life is all about balance though and part of my active truth also includes volunteering to help others grow and reach their goals. I grew up with the saying often as a chorus when I was in trouble or avoiding my accountability “talk is cheap” and that is entirely true. Words can be inspiring, but only when backed by authentic action. This is my main goal for the year in whatever I do, to be rooted in my active truth. To speak out, take action and pitch in when and where I can. We should not only take action out of comfort or convenience, let’s be honest the truth hurts. Change is often rooted deeply in pain. So I am challenging myself to face that change, is it something that’s nagging my growth that no longer serves me? Let it fucking go! That is inherently an active truth.