6 months into 2019, starting my 32nd year with another marathon under my belt, a new job, new city to call home and a new puppy companion. I could feel a great change and shift coming on and it has come to fruition. Transitions no matter in what context can make our lives feel like chaos in a void. I kept my head down, got my runs in (even the ones I dreaded because I didn’t feel the progress or fast enough) and tried to focus on the moment including what it was teaching me.
This transition wasn’t all about gains of new things, but also the end of some things that I truly cherished. That is after all, the nature of growth and change. I ended what had started as a very promising relationship, a job that really had become more like a family in a lot of ways the last two years and also simply living in a setting I was familiar with. None of these were easy to end or leave, but they were at a point where the decision was right. I trusted myself , the universe and the uncertainty that the opportunity ahead would provide. Pain was certainly present along with second-guessing and discomfort. I am not immune, I continue to learn to reframe and embrace. It seems somewhat ironic that my third marathon at Big Sur along with my 32nd birthday also fell smack dab in the middle of this shift. I no longer take these cosmic coincidences (for lack of a better term) for granted; they mean something and fulfill the deja vu of our sub conscious if we pay attention.
I struggled through the last couple of weeks of training, I really had never been excited about pure marathon training if it wasn’t in the context of a trail race or triathlon. Along with this the emotional toll of everything else going on in my life made some runs feel like mental therapy I didn’t sign up for nor want. In hindsight I needed every moment and mile on the road to soak in and process these thoughts purely in a raw setting.
Big Sur has always been a place or lore and in particular very intriguing to my personality and soul. I knew there was something pivotal about this race and experience ahead. The uncertainty of that alone kept me hungry to put in the effort and get there healthy with no expectations, but to soak it all in. I was going to run on the “Ragged edge of the Western world” and nothing would stop me. I’m still processing that experience and will share fully in another post. But let’s just say it was as epic and surely more than I could grasp.
The move to a new job and city has since put me in a new place of positivity, but now with it sinking in a feeling of plateau in the moment. This is something I have naturally felt often in my life, wanting to activate and feel that challenge to thrive. I have some new projects in the hopper and am looking forward to focusing in and initiating them. So in short one of them is firing up the ol’ blog again as well. Making time to focus on creative outlets and sharing my journey, story and experience.
I all too often doubt the energy of sharing, the validity of what I have to say or if it’s a trivial ramble in my own head. This is part of the new focus, “Fuck that, put it out there and trust”. So, No expectations of self, but also investing in what drives my soul and mind will take the forefront of both. A new vision has adapted to this chapter and it will not take over and drive!
Ad Astra Per Aspera